Burn out. It is an unfortunate yet inevitable reality for workaholics, perfectionists and people-pleasers.
Luckily, I’m all three!
‘Burning out’ means to overwork yourself to the point of complete and utter mental, physical and emotional exhaustion. Not only do you allocate your resources (time, energy, attention, etc.) poorly, but you in fact over-allocate your resources, thereby leaving you in a resource deficit.
I have been in a resource deficit since May and I only realised this late August, leading me to experience 4 months of burn out symptoms without understanding why.
I was constantly in a rut of disorganisation, confusion and isolation.
I was in a lethargic slump too, never having the energy or motivation to complete the simplest of tasks, trudging through life in a slow and repetitive pace and not understanding the point.
I took all the blame for this monotonous life, never even considering that there was an external force that was making existence so bleak.
Then, I had a conversation with my sister about mental health, burn out and what it meant to be holistically healthy. She introduced me to the concept of burn out (and sparked yet another epiphany lol)
I also had a conversation with Ayisha who helped me to understand that part of why I was struggling is because I’m constantly self-critiquing instead of self-reflecting. The two actions may sound similar but they are worlds apart. To critique oneself is to look back into the past or within oneself with the sole intention of finding all the wrongs and imperfections.
Although helpful at times, practising this is regularly is draining and a surefire recipe to burn out because constantly being put down is torment.
Self- reflection is visiting the past or oneself and observing holistically, without bias or ulterior motive, situations and coming to a gentle and just conclusion, encompassing all the negatives and positives.
I caught a PHAT virus a couple of days ago and I could do nothing but sit with myself. Through sitting with myself, I forgave. I was not productive at all, but I did the best I could at that time and place. I identified all the issues and triggers that led me to feel so lethargic and unmotivated. Then, I addressed these issues and came up with a plan on how to coexist and work with them instead of against. From now on, with more discipline and less friction, I was going to do the best I could do that particular day. I acknowledged that my best may look different every day, but the fact that I was working towards it is enough. I discovered this
through gentle self-reflection instead of harsh self-criticism.
I hope through reading this, you were reminded of the importance of nurturing yourself as well as self-reflection. I encourage you to discuss mental health and self-improvement regularly with a trusted friend. I hope you are gentle and loving towards yourself and everyone else.
And no matter how productive you were today,
I am so proud of you.
For anyone interested in learning more about burn out, please check out this link:
Aww boo boo, I hope you are feeling better, if you are, I'm glad you do, mentally and physically. You are an amazing person, and you shouldn't have to look down on yourself like that, so I am proud of you for looking at yourself and instead of pointing out flaws, pointing out what's good about you and why certain things happen. I can relate to you because I do this all the time, I hurt the people I love without realising it, because I didn't think about the consequences of my actions to others. And after I realise what I've done, I put myself down and criticise myself for being so stupid. I am so grateful that I was…