Big Pink Water Bottle

I got sick the other day. Like really REALLY sick. The type of sick where you lose your voice and sanity. And whilst sick, drowning in tissues and my very own misery, I had a revelation.

This entire time, I’ve been content. I’ve been so at peace. I’ve been so proud of myself. After digging through the unnecessary self-criticism, the resentment against myself and the universe, and the day-to-day rush and chaos of existence, I’ve realised just how content I’ve been this entire time.

This realisation of contentment set off a chain of events unlike any other. I wake up excited, not stressed and crunched into a ball, but sprawled out and well-rested. I eat fruits because I deserve to feel good and I eat (vegan) chocolate because I deserve to have fun. I brush my teeth because I love my future self and I wear hair accessories that I love because I enjoy decorating myself. I try my best to maintain a clean space and if I don’t, then I forgive myself because I understand that I’m not perfect. I use my calendar not as a burdernous chore, but a welcome tool. I carry a 2 litre pink water bottle with me everywhere because it’s really pretty and my body deserves regular hydration.

Things don’t need to be complicated, they can be quite simple. When I tried to get things done through punishment, I was only paralysed by fear and fatigue. But, when I took time to understand myself, my needs, what works for me, and I was gentle and patient with myself, I unlocked a new level of relationship with myself; unconditional friendship. I’m no longer the scary disciplinarian but a bestie who only wants the best for me, and who is willing to work together to create a better me everyday.

So I’d like to thank sister who planted this seed of wisdom within me and has been trying to help me understand this concept for years. I’d also like to thank myself, because I know how hard I’ve worked and all that I had to withstand to get here. Now that I’m at a place of true and eternal love, nothing and no one ever could shake me out of it. I always have been and always will be content and I love me so much.