I am a perfectionist who cannot stop failing. And for being a person who can do literally nothing perfectly, it drives me a little crazy.
Blame it on my Capricorn sun and Virgo rising or on the fact that I grew up in a house of high and heavy expectations, but doing everything perfectly, all the time, is something I NEED. There’s genuinely no outside pressures that trap me in this draining mindset, it really is just me yelling at me.
Some may argue that being a perfectionist is great for motivation and becoming a hard and diligent worker and I completely agree. But, consistently holding yourself to unrealistic standards obviously comes with downsides.
For example, I started a bakery account on insta (@applesveganbakery) quite a while ago and the only thing I’ve posted on it is an apple crumble that went well (ish) because I’m too afraid to broadcast my failures to the world.
Or the time that I stress-cried because I was anxious for my pedicurist to see my ugly toes that hadn’t been done for a while, because having imperfect feet really is the end of the world.
Even as I write this very post, my brain is already throwing a tantrum about how my writing is not very well-structured, or lacks detail, or the hundreds of other imperfections about my thoughts. Isn’t it absolutely wild that I’m CRITICISING my FEELINGS?
I feel like I’m on a never-ending spiral of discontent and self-criticism, and it’s such a helpless place to be in. I’m putting myself in this spiral, which is the worst part.
But it’s also the best.
I’m sure that you have a toxic trait that is affecting you or people around you. Knowing that you’re not completely good can be a shock, and a painful realisation. But I think it’s refreshing to hear that you have the power to start change, and it is reminder that I rarely hear.
I have literally no idea how to work on this internal dilemma, as you too may be clueless on your toxic trait. All I know is that the first step is admitting that I’m a failed perfectionist.
Comentarios