I’m so completely,
Utterly,
Fully,
Entirely
Sick of being a dependable and stable person.
I don’t know what exactly it is that makes me this way, but I seem to be a walking refuelling station for almost everyone around me.
Has the same toxic boy broken your heart for the 57th time? Come rant to me! Again! For the 57th time!
Abandon me randomly for weeks at a time, only to talk to me when you need something. And then disappear again!
Do you have terrifying and soul-shaking thoughts that are extremely scarring? Dump them onto me! Straight onto me! And then brush past it all without ever checking to see if I’m coping! But I’m not! I’m crying myself to sleep!
I’m the only Earth sign out of everyone I know. I live in a solely water sign household. It is clinical insanity.
I’m the one who always sends the random good night texts.
I’m the one who bakes for you without you ever needing to ask.
I’ll yell at absolutely anyone for you, no questions asked.
I’m the one who you know you can come to when you cause yet another stupid earthquake that breaks the Richter scale.
Because you know I will always stand next to you, dig through the rubble and build everything back up, piece by piece. I’ll even pull you up a sun lounger and a mojito whilst I do it all for you.
Because I care! I really and truly care! You know I do! So you exploit as much as you possibly can!
No more! You can all go to hell!
And no, I will not find the directions for you or pack you homemade muffins for the journey.
The part that really gets to me is that I'm never allowed to have an off day because there are too many people depending on me to run at maximum efficiency at all times. Like the thing that controls traffic lights but for emotional labour. If I dare have a moment of burn out or lethargy, I'll let someone down and it'll catastrophically interrupt their coming of age saga.
I wish everyone were a lot more empathetic.
My posture sucks now. My shoulders hunch forward because the weight of it all is too much, and I’ve realised I’m so busy the backbone for everyone else,
That my very own spine is beginning to crumble.
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